I was thirty-two years old the first time I bought a toy for myself. Not with a partner, not because a relationship wasn’t working out – just for me, by myself, in my own apartment. And honestly, I spent way too long thinking I didn’t need one or that wanting one was somehow wrong.
Here’s how that story started: I was single, living alone, and going through this phase where I felt disconnected from my own body. I’d been in relationships for years where I focused entirely on my partner’s needs, and when I suddenly found myself single, I realized I didn’t even know what I actually wanted anymore. That sounds dramatic, but it’s the truth.
One night, after a particularly stressful day, I just thought – what if I actually focused on myself for once? Not in a selfish way, but in a ‘I’ve been neglecting my own pleasure for years’ kind of way. So I did what any modern adult would do – I went down a research rabbit hole at eleven o’clock at night.
The options were overwhelming, honestly. There are so many different types of toys for so many different purposes, and I had no idea what I was looking for. I ended up going with something simple and beginner-friendly, mostly because I was still a little nervous about the whole thing.
When it arrived, I spent about three days just… not using it. It sat in my drawer, and every time I saw it, I’d feel this weird mix of excitement and shame. Where did that shame come from? I have no idea. Society, probably. The whole idea that women shouldn’t prioritize their own pleasure is deeply ingrained in all of us, whether we realize it or not.
Finally, one evening, I just decided to stop overthinking it. And you know what? It was wonderful. Not in some mind-blowing, life-changing way – it was just nice. It felt good. My body responded in ways I hadn’t experienced in years because I’d been so focused on everyone else.
What surprised me most was how much more connected I felt to myself afterward. Not just physically, but emotionally. I’d spent so long ignoring my own needs that I’d lost touch with what actually pleased me. That little toy helped me rediscover that.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting – when I eventually started dating again, I was a completely different partner. I knew what I wanted, I could communicate it clearly, and I didn’t feel guilty about asking for it. The confidence that came from understanding my own body translated into my relationships in ways I never expected.
If you’re thinking about getting a solo toy but you’ve been putting it off, I’m here to tell you there’s nothing wrong with you for wanting one. It’s not a replacement for intimacy with a partner – it’s just another way to know yourself better. And honestly, knowing yourself is never a bad thing.
